ESCAPE from EVERYWHERE

Yesterday, while getting my hair cut, my stylist said, "so I haven't seen you since the school shooting". "Right", I answered. Numbness and foreboding quickly spread throughout my body. As she continued to speak, her next few sentences floated somewhere above my auditory reach and hung in mid air.

 My brain struggled to shift from a "getting my hair cut mindset" to the "new normal".  A world where our youth are committing violent crimes against one another. 

Gun violence is no longer an 'inner city issue' that has been perpetuated by the media. The media has defined gun violence as an issue for people of color, poor people, people on drugs...or an issue executed by 'fatherless children' whose rage feeds upon a desire for 'Nike tennis shoes' and familial ties...by gang members whose reality is detached from our own, by the streets that separate our neighborhoods. 

Gun violence is in ALL neighborhoods. Gun violence is in ALL schools.  Even if gun violence has yet to occur, the potential exists EVERYWHERE.

As adults, we are responsible. I am responsible. 

The new normal mindset kicked in and my stylists words began to engage with my brain.  "...my daughter was running through the field and talking to me frantically...she was in the gym..the first out the door".  "I am so sorry", I said. "Is she OK?", I said. 

Our conversation continued as we shared our experiences as teacher and parent on that day. Fear crystallized as I attempted to shake the dread from my core.  I froze in place, on the inside.  My brain processed our conversation on autopilot and I was able to maintain a semblance of engagement. 

As I drove home, I was deeply shaken and yet unaware of the depth of my feelings until I arrived home,  hugged my spouse close, and burst into tears.

My Adventure

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Agile. Bend over. Your mine.

Fast-paced. Eat at your desk.

Global. Never Home.  

Team Player. Be my b*#@ch.

Vision.  Yours.

I am disappointed in myself and it is easier to blame you.

I need to clarify my vision.

I have floated, much of the time. Latching on to something until I have no longer enjoyed it. I have created myself through your eyes.

Now I am tired.  Tired of feeling resentful. Tired of giving myself away. Tired of being unclear.

This ride is gonna end. I don't want to go out feeling like I need a "do over".

What now?

I am going to paint the kitchen.

Also, I am going to keep writing. Writing is how I find myself.  The words are my map and this is my adventure.

We are Divinely Human

If there is a god, that Entity lives inside of each of us. A mere trace of god. When nurtured by prayer and strengthened through our actions, this trace of god becomes our home. A place that we can return to when wronged, injured, and broken.

Our humanness far exceeds our Divinity.  When disconnected from the Divine in us, our humanness can overtake and destroy us and anyone in our wake.  Our humanness is not our weakness. Though it appears so.  In fact, our humanness allows us to experience the exquisiteness of our connection to our physical form and the world in which we live.

Our children are in crisis.  They are longing for connection. They are lost, alone, angry, scared and disconnected from the beauty of their humanness and the Divine within. It is our charge to connect with our children and guide them.  Not with dogma but through modeling our own connection to the Divine.  Only then will each child begin to tether to the trace of god that resides within.  They will begin to make this Place their home and become capable of experiencing the profound gift of being human.

Silence is NOT Golden

The world is moving too fast. WAY too fast. If we would just slow down, imagine how much more we could accomplish...on so many levels.  I was speaking with a colleague this week about a young man who recently committed suicide. He was an outstanding student, an athlete, and connected to friends and family.  Recently, he had spoken with a counselor. This was his first and only conversation with a counselor. During that conversation he admitted to having thoughts of suicide. He also said he would never do it, because it would hurt too many people in his life. They were thoughts, he said. He would not take action, he said.

He did take action. At the age of 19, he bought a gun and killed himself...1 hour after he completed the purchase of the gun, he was dead. 1 hour. 1 hour later.

There were no signs. Yes. He was sad. Yes. He visited a counselor. Yes. He admitted to having suicidal thoughts. Yes.

 Seein g a counselor was a positive action, not a sign that suicide was imminent. He was a "good kid".  He was not a bullied, social outcast. He had a steady girlfriend. He had SO much to live for...but, he didn't think so. He is gone and the people connected to him are reeling from the impact.

The question in every one's mind is "Why?"  We will never know.  His scream, and the scream deep within so many of our talented youth, is silent. It is silent and it is deadly. Our young people are dying around us. This is an epidemic and we can't just go on doing what we are doing. It is not working.
We have to change. We have to slow down. We have to.  If we don't, the self-inflicted deaths of our youth will continue. They will continue to kill themselves because we can't hear their screams.

Teaching with Humanity

I often get called out for being self-effacing.  Truthfully, this is a misperception on the part of the complimenter. It is not that I am not appreciative of kind words...I AM!  I love it when people notice that students transform (often quickly) when placed in my program.  As a professional, nothing touches my heart more deeply.

The side step I take, when offered compliments regarding my students, is really an invitation to talk about how these techniques can benefit students in any educational setting.  I would love to take credit, I really would.  The reality is that these techniques can be employed by anyone!  For this reason, I have decided to share my perspective and techniques in the classroom.

I will be using this blog, along with other avenues, as a way to reach out and hopefully help other professionals experience similar success and delight as they watch their students transform.

Step 1: Ditch "Cool".  What is "cool" anyway?  Cool is a moving target. It is a whimsical concept that is often times only attached to surface characteristics and personality. 

Step 2:  Be You.  It is what is underneath that matters. Allow students to know you.  Especially, allow your students to see you as human. Being human involves making errors and corrections. This applies to all aspects of life: relationships, learning, trying new adventures, large and small. It applies to starting a hobby, leaving something behind, committing yourself to someone or something larger than you. Quality of life improves as imperfections are both recognized and accepted.  Making mistakes and corrections is the essence of school and life.

Step 3: Find and Walk Your Ethics.  While being you and being imperfect, it is also supremely important that you define and walk your ethics in all aspects of your work and life. That is, recognizing your imperfections while keeping your focus upon your objectives.  This process teaches students, through modeling, that standards matter. That having standards/ethics provides the direction, and challenges each individual to continue to move toward a better version of themselves.

My students know me. They don't know everything about me. But, they know my essence and my ethics. They understand what I value. They also understand that I allow each of them to explore and hold fast to their own values.  If you haven't noticed already, being a teacher is much more than being a content expert. In fact, content expertise though important, is secondary to your practice of being human.

Waiting to be Noticed

Following passion is going to be an epic ride.  No longer waiting to be noticed by others, it is time I noticed myself.  This is truly a breakthrough thought that occurred to me, as I started researching a new follower on my Twitter feed.  I can't begin to explain how social media works from an entrepreneurial perspective. How this follower came to follow me is a mystery. It doesn't really matter.  What caught my eye was her apparent courage (and fear) as she defined herself.  I started to look at her life as it appears online.  As I studied her, I felt a familiar feeling that, in the past, has been momentarily riveting, but that I have never actually followed.  The feeling is passion.  The passion for taking risks, for walking in truth and outside of ego.

In my youth, I took risks, both personal and professional. In some instances, I mistook ego for passion. The result was many stumbles and bruises. At the time, my ego was quite fragile.  The stumbles and bruises  felt like mortal wounds.  In fact, they were not. They did, however, lead me in a different direction.  They also humbled me. I had "failed". That "failure" haunted me for 13 years.  Until now.

Until today.

Today, as I read about this woman's life (online brand) I began to connect, once again, with my own passion.  I noticed that this passion was pure and disconnected from accolades, riches, and fame. Rather, the feeling was a nudge to notice myself, to notice my excitement and my potential.  It was a nudge to depend on myself and define my own path forward, one step at a time, in tune with my gifts, and ready to dive headfirst into an immersive and authentic life.

Little Risks = Big Shifts

Nicole has been telling me for years to get a "hobby"! My response has always been,  "I will when I don't have so much to do!" Secretly, I thought she was encouraging me to shirk my responsibilities.  In reality, she was simply trying to guide me toward expanding my "life practice".

This week, I realized I do have a hobby. Worrying. Talk about a treadmill that leads nowhere. What a bore, makes for excellent conversation, right?

Nicole: What did you do today, hon?"
Me: Uhhhhhh.....Worried.
Nicole: "Oh wow! Cool! How did that go?"
Me: Bad. Bad. Not good!
Nicole: "Yikes!  Watcha' gonna do tomorrow?"
Me: Same.
Nicole:  ??

22 years later...

This has been one long ride.  That is, until last week. Last week, I decided to take a small risk to shake it up. It couldn't hurt, right?  I could always go back to worrying.

So, last Wednesday, I took a jump at Hot Yoga.  It is a very sweaty business, which wasn't the risk.  The risk was all the MIRRORS! Somebody has put a middle-aged woman in my body! I am not kidding you. This was a complete shock and she looks absolutely nothing like me!

Worse yet, I joined the class with my friend the middle-aged super model.  You know the type..pretty, youngish, swaggy looking with rock hard abs and the legs of a 30 year old. Not cool. Plus, she had on this yoga attire that looked like a second skin. Her muscles ripped next to my cellulite infused thighs.  Nice. Great.

We laughed as she tried to help me look/feel presentable. Sweet as pie, she threw me yoga tops in the parking lot that no longer fit her, but made me look like a stripper in a wet tshirt contest. Laughing so hard, we both wished we had thought to wear a lady diaper.  We finally gave up, and I decided to rock my vneck cotton tshirt and my bell bottom running pants.

Once inside, we were both charmed by the effusive Hot Yoga instructor who tried to quell our fears of spending 1 1/2 hours in a 104 degree room performing yoga positions that were advertised for beginners, but in actuality, were more like moves from cirque du soleil.

But, we showed up and we tried. I made peace with the stranger in the mirror and managed to believe that I could finish the class without passing out or bolting from the room. And I did! Saturday we went back again.  This time, I had an outfit.