The Practice of Love

I am passionate about love.  Not because I am an undiscovered Dali or MT (Mother Theresa), but because I am definitely NOT.

In my 40's I joined a meditation group.  At the beginning of each session, the leader asked the group to think of something that evoked the feeling of love. Something that made each of us FEEL love....a baby, an athletic team, a spouse or partner...anything.  I couldn't.  Nothing came. My heart felt nothing. My self-esteem took a plunge.

That was almost 16 years ago.  Today, feeling love is a central part of my day and my life.  Love is my compass.  Growing love is not unlike growing corn, tomatoes, or a student.  It takes time, commitment, and practice to get the outcome you want.

Many people are confused about the nature of love.  Love is not the same as desire or attraction. Scott Peck, does an outstanding job of explaining the difference between love and desire in his book, The Road Less Travelled. For a beginner, it is actually easier to discern what love IS NOT, than it is to discern what love IS.

On a pragmatic level, choices that are motivated by love tend to have better outcomes than choices driven solely by attraction or desire.  Attraction and desire are certainly a part of the mix...but their essence is not love.

As an educator, I often wonder why teaching love is primarily reserved for families and churches.  Love is a feeling and a practice. Love is a compass that can guide the most important life decisions.  My question is, does developing a student's practice of love conflict with a student's religious practice or, do these practices simply compliment one another? What do you think?

The Heart of a Child

The most powerful and meaningful learning begins in the human heart.  It is our relationships with others that serve as the catalyst for these lessons. Yet, we leave the development of this critical domain almost entirely out of our schools.  We create rules to enforce suppression of behaviors, but do not teach students how to manage difficult emotions. We leave these lessons to the family and the church. In many instances, the family and the church are not adept at guiding young people in this area of human development.

Lessons of the heart are not as complicated as they may seem.  It is the lack of understanding and practice that make this domain so challenging.  Mostly, young people need to develop strategies for honoring and expressing their feelings in the right place, with the right people, and at the right time.  If schools begin these lessons early on, students will develop methods for managing their feelings and a tolerance for the most difficult of human emotions: fear, anger and pain.

It follows that if our students develop these skills at a young age and then continue to hone them, they will be less likely to turn to food, alcohol, violence, and self-harm to cope with the impact of these emotions.  They will be more likely to employ strategies that enable them to live harmoniously with their emotional selves and harness the power of their hearts.

Next Blog: Skill 1:  Awareness

Flipping or Flipping Out?

What if we REALLY flipped it? What if our current workforce was infused with the ideas, gifts, and interests of today's students, instead of the other way around?

Currently,  unless a youngster is a gifted entrepreneur, it takes 40 to 50 years for the average person to have any sort of impact on the bureaucracy of business and government. For young people, this is a grueling and exhausting path that squashes motivation and desire.

The age of technology has shown that we are still a country of innovators and pioneers. Yet, we grind our children through a seemingly endless process of practice runs and assessments before we let them try out their own ideas. Honestly, our mistakes are really pretty glaring.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that we have a host of economic, political, and environmental problems.

We need to quit tinkering with education and find ways to engage students in solving the problems that face their generation, right now. We need to bring them to the table much earlier and reward them. 

Flipping, in this sense, requires a change in the way we overlap and infuse education and work. There needs to be multiple avenues into the real world that students can access at much younger ages.  We can't really afford to wait.  What we are doing now is simply wasting one of most valuable resources: the gifts, interests, and ideas of our young.