I may have figured this out. Maybe being fully alive is the pursuit of being fully present. Fully present no matter what is going on. In a world full of distractions, being fully present is pretty near impossible. For instance, I will have to get rid of my apple watch and my phone. Just these devices, alone, create a distraction approximately 1 - 3 times per minute. I am constantly shifting focus. 99 percent of my notifications are pure trash. I really only care about a few friends and my family.
So, I am looking at my watch for notifications from these people. Or my boss. Why do I need instant notifications at all? Because someone might need me, be sick, or die. I need to know this stuff the second it happens? It’s an expectation really. But, I have that expectation, too. I want my closest people to be immediately accessible to me. Because, if they aren’t, what might happen? I might feel scared or alone when tragedy strikes?
Clearly my amygdala is driving my life. This is either embarrassing because this is not what anyone else does, or because everyone IS doing this. Either way, it feels like an awkward confession.
