Politics Inside the Classroom

In the classroom, I have always guarded my personal life.  I openly discuss my life with my son. Yet, I clearly keep my wife and our family stories out of the mix.

My students have many emotional challenges.  It has never seemed prudent to make my family a focus in the classroom.  From my perspective, the politics of adults should not interfere with the education of students.  

I still feel this way. 

Gay marriage will become the law of the land.  Of this, I am sure. Still, it is a contentious issue that has divided families, states, and countries.  It is never fun to be on the losing side.  Be sure, the right wing conservatives will be on the losing side of this issue. 

For the moment, I will relish our victories and our minor setbacks with those who can celebrate, comfort and support me.  My students will not be privy to my personal life.  It isn't their business.

I am a teacher.  I am proud to be a teacher....and I love my students.

Closets are for Clothes

It is much more comfortable to live outside of the closet.  First of all, there is absolutely no room in a closet. The lighting is terrible and it is an awful location for a party. On the other hand, it has always been a sorta safe place. A place where hate, opinions, and antiquated laws seemed to drift into oblivion.

Love doesn't fit well into closets.  Love is large and expansive.  Shame and fear are well-suited for small places.  Closets are for clothes.  In America, some people's closets are bigger than other people's homes. That, however, is fodder for another blog.

On Friday,  I boldly slammed the door on my personal closet of shame and fear.  Since Nicole and I were married on Wednesday (in the expansive state of Indiana), I decided to contact the HR rep for my school and add Nicole to my health insurance policy. As I pressed the send button on this email, my sweat glands engaged and I choked a bit.  This contracting emotion was quickly followed by joy.  Some things are worth the fear of losing a job.  Loving Nicole is one of those things.

There will be a massive celebration when fear makes way for love.  Following love is the only way we can create a world without violence, or hate, or war. Following love is the only way to heal.  Following love is the only way to set aside our need to control and allow ourselves to be consumed by faith and trust.

Love Rules Fear

Fear is a natural state.  Fear causes the body to contract, temperature to rise, visual acuity to increase and a host of behavioral changes.  The more frightened an animal or a human becomes, the more obvious it is to any observer.  Fear can look really big.

Humans are fight or flight animals. The fight or flight response is great to have when a threat actually exists.  Without fear, we might behave really slowly and inappropriately, when faced with a car swerving toward us.  The fight or flight response is a great system to have in your back pocket when danger is imminent.

The problem with the fight or flight response, in humans, is that we tend to perceive danger where there is none.  Once we perceive that something is "dangerous" then our whole limbic system starts to amp up.  Once we are amped, fear can have a deleterious affect on our cognitive and decision-making processes.

There are an amazing array of phobias that illustrate this point.  Homophobia, or the fear of people who are attracted to members of the same sex, is one example.  This phobia causes the sufferer to avoid same-sex couples, to bully individuals, or to use the court system to suppress the rights of a minority of people who are oriented to love and form families with members of the same sex.

Fear is a powerful and natural state.  Fear is designed to protect the individual from imminent danger or harm.  However, when the fight or flight response is engaged when there is no actual danger the reaction becomes dysfunctional.  In the case of homophobia, exposure to the feared person or group will ultimately extinguish it.  In the meantime, patience and love is required. We need to support the phobia sufferer and move forward in the face of their irrational fear, until love is triumphant.

Words Matter

Words matter. They really do.  Our reality is shaped, at least in part, by the words we use. Sports psychologists are well aware of the impact of words on the performance of an athlete. Anxiety begins with negative self-talk intertwined with negative mental images. These words and images have the potential to cripple the performance of the most gifted athlete.  I know, I was one of those athletes.

Athletes aren't the only people affected by the power of words.  Words have universal influence. They effect all people.  They transcend culture, race, sexual orientation, religion, age, gender, and disability. Words matter.  Words are powerful.

Each generation modifies the language of prior generations. This past year, I have heard the use of the words kill, dead, death, shoot, die with increasing frequency, and in a variety of contexts. Most often, I hear these words from children and the media.

Yesterday, my son and his friend were playing Minecraft.  His friend kept saying, "Kill him! Kill him!" (I am sure there must have been some "googlies" lurking about). A few minutes later, I heard my son say the same words to his friend.

I asked the boys to have a chat with me.  I told them that it is hard for me to listen to them say "Kill him!"  I explained that killing results in death and that death is permanent.  My son rolled his eyes at me and said, "It is JUST a video game."   "I know, I know,"  I replied.  "But, it would be more accurate to say "Defeat him!  Since, the creeper will not really die, but spawn again."  The boys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and said, "Ok!"

For the remainder of their screen time, I reminded them, a couple of times, to switch from the word "kill" to the word "defeat".  They seemed to accept this modification to their language with little concern.  As a parent and an educator, I don't have to accept what the media generates and what our children and students repeat.  I  have a voice and a conscience.  Words matter. They really do.

The Practice of Love

I am passionate about love.  Not because I am an undiscovered Dali or MT (Mother Theresa), but because I am definitely NOT.

In my 40's I joined a meditation group.  At the beginning of each session, the leader asked the group to think of something that evoked the feeling of love. Something that made each of us FEEL love....a baby, an athletic team, a spouse or partner...anything.  I couldn't.  Nothing came. My heart felt nothing. My self-esteem took a plunge.

That was almost 16 years ago.  Today, feeling love is a central part of my day and my life.  Love is my compass.  Growing love is not unlike growing corn, tomatoes, or a student.  It takes time, commitment, and practice to get the outcome you want.

Many people are confused about the nature of love.  Love is not the same as desire or attraction. Scott Peck, does an outstanding job of explaining the difference between love and desire in his book, The Road Less Travelled. For a beginner, it is actually easier to discern what love IS NOT, than it is to discern what love IS.

On a pragmatic level, choices that are motivated by love tend to have better outcomes than choices driven solely by attraction or desire.  Attraction and desire are certainly a part of the mix...but their essence is not love.

As an educator, I often wonder why teaching love is primarily reserved for families and churches.  Love is a feeling and a practice. Love is a compass that can guide the most important life decisions.  My question is, does developing a student's practice of love conflict with a student's religious practice or, do these practices simply compliment one another? What do you think?