Walking With Children

For a child, missing breakfast can feel like a tragedy.  Not because he cannot survive the loss of calories, but because the food represents something missing from her life that is far larger. Perhaps, an unmet need for love, care, and emotional sustenance.

As a teacher, I frequently encounter unfavorable circumstances in the lives of the children I serve. Some students are not equipped to mask their difficult emotions, as many children (and adults) do. These students often develop, instead, emotional weapons that distort our perspective and originate from deep within their amygdala; the most primal area of the human brain.

Students who 'open carry' emotional baggage are a challenge for traditional classrooms. When a student who is emotionally-armed loses control,  a uniquely trained response is required. A response that redirects the child, allows other students to learn, and maintains the integrity of the teacher.

Teachers, and students are not generally trained to respond in a manner that meets this criteria. Consequently, outcomes vary.  Usually there are negative after effects.  What could have been a learning experience, in the end, inflicts further injury on some or all involved.

A Few Important Facts and Observations

• A well-programmed Robot should not lose control.  Humans do.  

• When Humans lose emotional control of themselves, there can be a range of negative outcomes.

• Losing emotional control of oneself is a traumatizing event. It is messy and very uncomfortable. 

• Between 1980 and 1992, the CDC reported an increase in suicide for the age groups 10-14 and 15 to 19.

Suicide devastates families and entire communities. Young people who are at greatest risk for suicide are those who are challenged by circumstances and emotions that are beyond their current control. In some cases, the causes seem obvious.  In other instances, the student may seem to have the 'perfect life.'

As teachers, we have a unique opportunity to work with our students, colleagues, and our communities to become trained and savvy regarding the emotional responses and well-being of our students.  How we handle the difficult emotional outbursts of our students sends a powerful message to all involved.  It isn't always, but it can become a positive message.

There are extraordinary gifts that can emerge from the most difficult situations.  I believe that the emotional well-being of our students is paramount to their success in school and life.  Creating a classroom where difficult situations are managed, to result in positive outcomes, is essential to developing a secure environment. An environment where all students can learn and thrive.

The Road Ahead: HomeSchool@ School

What can public schools learn from the homeschool movement? According to research, homeschoolers “typically score 15 to 30 percentile points above public school students on standardized academic achievement tests“(Ray, 2015). 

At first glance, class size is the obvious difference between these two groups. No doubt it is far easier to respond to student needs when the teacher student ratios are 1 to 3 versus 1 to 30.

Other advantages of a homeschool include, personalized curriculum, modified school start and finish times, and enrichment activities designed for the unique needs of student/children. 

A homeschool is a personal rather than an institutional environment. Schools are challenged to create a setting that is responsive, caring, and differentiated to meet student educational, social, and emotional needs. Today, the challenge for policy makers, investors, and educators is to redesign the public school setting to better meet these essential skills.  Twenty- first century students need more flexibility and control over their learning path, the structure of their day, and the way in which they choose to learn.

The school itself will need to support these attributes, with an emphasis on comfort, curricular options, and opportunities to play.  Schools need to invite students to the table, like customers or employees at high-end, technology-infused hubs, like Google and Amazon.  Only then, will schools begin to match the dynamic nature of the 21^st century workplace, where information, technology, and collaboration are necessary tools to solve authentic problems and create innovative solutions in a changing economy.

ESCAPE from EVERYWHERE

Yesterday, while getting my hair cut, my stylist said, "so I haven't seen you since the school shooting". "Right", I answered. Numbness and foreboding quickly spread throughout my body. As she continued to speak, her next few sentences floated somewhere above my auditory reach and hung in mid air.

 My brain struggled to shift from a "getting my hair cut mindset" to the "new normal".  A world where our youth are committing violent crimes against one another. 

Gun violence is no longer an 'inner city issue' that has been perpetuated by the media. The media has defined gun violence as an issue for people of color, poor people, people on drugs...or an issue executed by 'fatherless children' whose rage feeds upon a desire for 'Nike tennis shoes' and familial ties...by gang members whose reality is detached from our own, by the streets that separate our neighborhoods. 

Gun violence is in ALL neighborhoods. Gun violence is in ALL schools.  Even if gun violence has yet to occur, the potential exists EVERYWHERE.

As adults, we are responsible. I am responsible. 

The new normal mindset kicked in and my stylists words began to engage with my brain.  "...my daughter was running through the field and talking to me frantically...she was in the gym..the first out the door".  "I am so sorry", I said. "Is she OK?", I said. 

Our conversation continued as we shared our experiences as teacher and parent on that day. Fear crystallized as I attempted to shake the dread from my core.  I froze in place, on the inside.  My brain processed our conversation on autopilot and I was able to maintain a semblance of engagement. 

As I drove home, I was deeply shaken and yet unaware of the depth of my feelings until I arrived home,  hugged my spouse close, and burst into tears.

My Adventure

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Agile. Bend over. Your mine.

Fast-paced. Eat at your desk.

Global. Never Home.  

Team Player. Be my b*#@ch.

Vision.  Yours.

I am disappointed in myself and it is easier to blame you.

I need to clarify my vision.

I have floated, much of the time. Latching on to something until I have no longer enjoyed it. I have created myself through your eyes.

Now I am tired.  Tired of feeling resentful. Tired of giving myself away. Tired of being unclear.

This ride is gonna end. I don't want to go out feeling like I need a "do over".

What now?

I am going to paint the kitchen.

Also, I am going to keep writing. Writing is how I find myself.  The words are my map and this is my adventure.

We are Divinely Human

If there is a god, that Entity lives inside of each of us. A mere trace of god. When nurtured by prayer and strengthened through our actions, this trace of god becomes our home. A place that we can return to when wronged, injured, and broken.

Our humanness far exceeds our Divinity.  When disconnected from the Divine in us, our humanness can overtake and destroy us and anyone in our wake.  Our humanness is not our weakness. Though it appears so.  In fact, our humanness allows us to experience the exquisiteness of our connection to our physical form and the world in which we live.

Our children are in crisis.  They are longing for connection. They are lost, alone, angry, scared and disconnected from the beauty of their humanness and the Divine within. It is our charge to connect with our children and guide them.  Not with dogma but through modeling our own connection to the Divine.  Only then will each child begin to tether to the trace of god that resides within.  They will begin to make this Place their home and become capable of experiencing the profound gift of being human.

Silence is NOT Golden

The world is moving too fast. WAY too fast. If we would just slow down, imagine how much more we could accomplish...on so many levels.  I was speaking with a colleague this week about a young man who recently committed suicide. He was an outstanding student, an athlete, and connected to friends and family.  Recently, he had spoken with a counselor. This was his first and only conversation with a counselor. During that conversation he admitted to having thoughts of suicide. He also said he would never do it, because it would hurt too many people in his life. They were thoughts, he said. He would not take action, he said.

He did take action. At the age of 19, he bought a gun and killed himself...1 hour after he completed the purchase of the gun, he was dead. 1 hour. 1 hour later.

There were no signs. Yes. He was sad. Yes. He visited a counselor. Yes. He admitted to having suicidal thoughts. Yes.

 Seein g a counselor was a positive action, not a sign that suicide was imminent. He was a "good kid".  He was not a bullied, social outcast. He had a steady girlfriend. He had SO much to live for...but, he didn't think so. He is gone and the people connected to him are reeling from the impact.

The question in every one's mind is "Why?"  We will never know.  His scream, and the scream deep within so many of our talented youth, is silent. It is silent and it is deadly. Our young people are dying around us. This is an epidemic and we can't just go on doing what we are doing. It is not working.
We have to change. We have to slow down. We have to.  If we don't, the self-inflicted deaths of our youth will continue. They will continue to kill themselves because we can't hear their screams.